Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
