I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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