I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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