I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
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HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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