he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.