i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.