every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.