I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.