i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry