I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?