Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(423): View more from Tennessee

my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"

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(423): my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead" http://tfl.nu/865j

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.

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(717): If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone. http://tfl.nu/j92l

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(917): View more from New York City

I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!

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(917): I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done! http://tfl.nu/5vwu

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(650): View more from California

I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.

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(650): I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'. http://tfl.nu/1o2s

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.

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(215): There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me. http://tfl.nu/xwbe

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(240): View more from Maryland

She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.

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(240): She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/tjxq

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.

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(910): He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work. http://tfl.nu/wbkv

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(563): View more from Iowa

Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.

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(563): Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks. http://tfl.nu/j9ui

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(734): View more from Michigan

He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.

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(734): He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype. http://tfl.nu/lkww

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(330): View more from Ohio

I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.

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(330): I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned. http://tfl.nu/myfn

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(614): View more from Ohio

God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.

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(614): God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend. http://tfl.nu/1ak5

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(941): View more from Florida

My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.

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(941): My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order. http://tfl.nu/gp8x

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(850): View more from Florida

I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.

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(850): I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this. http://tfl.nu/urhy

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(207): View more from Maine

Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...

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(207): Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other... http://tfl.nu/529q

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(705): View more from Ontario

I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.

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(705): I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again. http://tfl.nu/pxkl

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