I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
