And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
