The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
