i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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