Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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