Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
