I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
