I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
