just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
