he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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