Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
