i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
