I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
