Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
