why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
