i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.