i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.