you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?