hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
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Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings