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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.