I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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