glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
