Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My feet surprised me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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