i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
