Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
