My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
