So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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