covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I cannot find my penis.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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