ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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