I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
