I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
