Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
