the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
