I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize