You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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