he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
