How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
