I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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