dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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