there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
