If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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