i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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