When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
