I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
