worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
