so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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