i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
