coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ttyl tear gas
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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