the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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