i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
