drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
