After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
