perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
