I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
