There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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