if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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