is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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