On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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