guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As shirtless as possible
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dear god my vagina.
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