sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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