I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
