It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
