I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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