Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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