Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
