finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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