fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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