A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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