I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
